expectations

i kind of promised myself that i wouldn't write anything personal on my blog. if i were to write anything personal it would be through poems of some sort. but now i have something on my mind and i feel like sharing it with whomever is reading my blog right now. i wanna talk about expectations. expectations that we either consciously or unconsciously have of other people. i've realized more and more this time of how any expectations i have of my friends, family, or even strangers often ruin the true relationship that i would have had if i were to simply accept them as how they are and not hold any mental expectations of how i would like them to be.

relationships with my past boyfriends, are good examples of the many expectations i had put on them as 'my boyfriend', for them to fill or achieve in order to make me feel happy inside. that kind of thought is almost insane to me now. it's obviously impossible to 'fill' other people's expectations in the first place, let alone be able to fulfill each and every one of them. i used to think that if my boyfriend could not be how i wanted him to be in order for me to be happy, then he is simply not good enough for me. as stupid as that may sound, i was thinking that way at the time, until eventually most of them would snap me up and say: "hey, i have my own ways of doing things." i never truly understood what they meant by that at the time, now it's crazy as hell to realize that i had that kind of frame of mind whilst i was with a person i actually loved.

the whole expecting other people to act a certain way towards you or do certain things to you, is bullshit. it really actually is bullshit. this is what i think gets in the way of true and honest relationships. if we have expectations, be it either small or big expectations, it doesn't matter, an expectation alone can get in the way of true acceptance. there are so many questions or more like complaints of: "how come you don't do this for me?" or "i have done this for her, why can't she be more like that?" or whatever kind, you know the rest, there are so many of these unecessary noises when it comes to relationships. what most people don't realize is that the effect of the chains of expectations we put on others can continuously grow like a snow ball rolling from the top of the hill to the bottom. they eventually get bigger. im not really good at analogies, but you get what i mean.

there's this guy on youtube who said it best, about relationships. that we cannot be in a true relationship unless we already feel complete within ourselves, alone. if we go into a relationship expecting or thinking that our 'love' ones will 'complete' us or 'bring' us happiness, most of the time if not always, they will somehow disappoint us. because, they're humans, just like us, they'll never be able to complete or fulfill anything in its fullness, they're not perfect. being in a relationship should not 'complete' you, you should already feel complete even before you commit or love anyone else in the first place. that is the most important thing. it is also the best part about being in love. when you already feel fine with yourself, and you love the other person, and he or she compliments you. compliments the person that you are, solely. it's amazing when you're in that kind of relationship, you can feel the strong presence of honesty and realness to it. good things come to those who least expect it. that's a little saying that i think has some truths to it.

i guess that's all for now. rapping things up, i think that any expectations you have of others should just be listened to. when you realize you have one or two popping up in your mind as soon as you meet a person, or commit to something with another person or whatever, have a listen to those expectations. smile or laugh at them, then move on. it feels quite good when you notice that they are there but you don't have to follow or belief they that need to be fulfilled. i call it a 'yumm' feeling when you get to that point of realization.